I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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