thus making me awesome and them whores
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
