Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
