Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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