if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
