Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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