Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
