Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
