Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
