you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
