Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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