btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
