I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
