i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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