i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
