just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
