Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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