...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
