Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
