i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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