im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
