then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
