i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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