I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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