Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
