positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize