a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
