Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
