mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A bitchslap is in order.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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