Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
