There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
