I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
