I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
