mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
