Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
