to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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