Rock
Scissors
Fuck
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
