Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
