so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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