Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
