I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
