Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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