Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
