She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
