apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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