I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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