if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
