Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
