Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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