Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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