Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
