It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
