I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
