i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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