I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
