so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Text me some of your sweat
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