she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
