apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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