Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize