do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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