I think I died a long time ago.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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