Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
