I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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