I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
