No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
