Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
