but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
