we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
