Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my liver is dry heaving
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
