Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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