he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
