They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
