There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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