i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
